End of Chapter....Start of an Era

Warning: SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND THE FOLLOWING CONTENT OFFENSIVE DUE TO LARGE SWEEPING STATEMENTS AND SH!TLOADS OF CLICHÉ DRIBBLE  problem is, it’s the truth, can’t change it- get a bucket or a box of tissues- you’ve been warned.

 

OK OK, get the pics done and dusted...

 

What a ride it has been. 8 whole weeks and only a few slipups- quick-eze fetish and the time when I tripped over and pizza fell in my mouth. To say the journey has been a rollercoaster would be pretty spot on. There were times of tantrums, wanting to give up and go pash on with a box of favourites but mostly just lots of punching air moments.

The eight week challenge was for me about weight loss, I wanted to loose 10kg to make running the marathon easier. Simple. I achieved it, but for some reason, I’m not even that impressed. You see, the benefits outside the physical changes have FAR outweighed the 10kg of donuts and tim tams I lost during that 8 weeks. I’m kind of kicking myself in the ass though for not doing this earlier- I’m hoping it’s not temporary and acknowledging the cliché when I say it has changed my life.

A few changes to hopefully last a lifetime

MEDITATION

Not a night goes by now when I don’t meditate before bed. On a whole my road rage has reduced significantly and I look forward to going to bed for the enjoyment of sitting quietly. 8 weeks ago I would have told you this was a load of rubbish, now I’m one hairy armpit away from buying a comby van.

GOALS

Set them. Share them. Work towards them. I will ALWAYS have goals now-has kept me focused.

POSITIVE INFLUENCES

This was such a hard paragraph to write. I’m a bit speechless really, in awe and very proud. I have this team of people who hit out the challenge at the same time. The most supportive, encouraging, salt of the earth LEGENDS. At every step of the way I knew I could turn to them and ask a question

“Does anyone else have green poo, a sweet taste in their mouth, raging hormones, sore arms, a rumbling belly, constipation”

“Can I eat chocolate, chilli powder, spinach leaves, sugar free lollies etc etc”

“How do I” “When can I” “Should I be”

They were there to genuinely celebrate the wins and pushed me through the tough times. This initially was often. They sat on my shoulder with a ‘stern face and voice’ when I wanted to crack and if I did, got me right back on track. Each person played a very special role. As I never wanted to identify anyone on this blog I wont change that now but I really hope that one day I can do for you all what you did for me. Thank-you team for being amazing, reassuring, the nazi’s when I needed it and for all the LOVEFESTS (no, not that kind of lovefest). Thank-you for celebrating my wins, for INSPIRING me with your transformations. You have all done soooo incredibly well- proud proud proud. Thank-you, thank-you, thankyou.

I have amazing friends already but these people were on the same page, with similar goals and heading in the same direction. Could not have done it without them.

Someone turned to me at bootcamp this morning and said “I want to be like you”…. 6 words probably said off the cuff. When it comes to compliments though, that one blew me away.

Goals before the 8 week challenge

10kg weight loss

run a marathon

make it to ‘Delta’ at bootcamp

Tick, tick and tick. Could not be happier. Seriously.

While I didn’t end up with quite the 6 pack I wanted, all the other bonuses that came along in the 8 weeks far outweighed it.

End of a chapter but start of an era.

Peace out,

The Gladiator Apprentice xx

Day (30-something).... Blown Away By a Stranger

I've been blown away by many things this month. Weight loss, 6 packs, total body transformations and each and every time I have loved it. Tonight however I was blown away and I was not happy Jan, not happy at all. Like usual allow me to take you on a journey and paint the entire picture.

Like two kids with ADHD unable to just sit at home and taper for the marathon this weekend we took ourselves off to the local swimming pool for a quick dip and some relaxation time. Since another local pool closed down recently, there are now twice as many bodies weeing in the same amount of water and more beady eyes on the squad teams also trying to work out if they are old enough to perve on yet. 

ANYWAY... One of the joys of this overly full facility or should I say WAS one of the FORMER joys is/was the Sauna. A nice hot room, silent and total chill time. I'm down with sitting half naked and sweaty in a small room with 6 people in it who I have only just met. I don't even care if I see dimpled bum cheeks, butt crack due to see through bathers, it's all good. But I'll tell you something I'm NOT down with my dear friends is my new sweaty naked friend DROPPING HIS GUTS in this small sweat sack of a room and in turn blowing me away! What self respecting person just openly lets one rip in such an awkward manner! Maybe he was simply being strategic and trying to clear the room??

While my dear running buddy was able to keep game face, I indeed lost my mind, cracked up laughing and could not stop. What made it even funnier was the disgusted look on the man sitting next to gary gut dropper stormed out in disgust. Now I know toilet humour isn't everyones cup of tea but this even had me killing myself and I guess you could say gasping for air.

A little off topic but I guess it's all part of the challenge hey! Anyhow, marathon this weekend and another cheat meal. I kind of feel like I have been cheating already though, having carbs and fruit etc in the lead up to the big run. I've got to the stage now though where I don't even want the cheat meal. There is nothing that I'm craving, and all I think about is that 'what's the point of taking a backwards step.' That said, if you put a chicken parma in front of me I'm sure it would be a different story. 

Day 32- Running like the Gingerbread Man

THIS WOULD HAVE MADE MORE SENSE IF PUBLISHED ON THURSDAY WHEN I WROTE IT!

This morning I went out for a solo run. The first 5km I was on fire, running like a pro, feeling amazing even broke my 5km record time, look out Steve Mon-spaghetti... Then I hit a hill and the mind demons kicked in. Once the mind demons get going its hard to stop.

• It's too hot to be running
• I should walk until I catch my breath
• I'm so thirsty, my legs hurt
• Someone carry me
• Winge, winge, winge

In trying to fly-kick the demons I started thinking about our little bootcamp team. Then it STOPPED and the positive thoughts started flowing in. I thought how inspired I was by my 8 week challenge buddies who are all kicking butt and motivating me every. single. day. Probably not even realising. I thought what great positive people I have in my life. How lucky I am to find this equally crazy group  who push and encourage me and have such an uplifting influence in my life. Then out came the massive bicep and the patting on the back began.

My first goal when I started bootcamp all those many moons ago was to run 1.6km, the fitness test, which I could not do. Actually, let's be honest my first ever goal sheet was filled in by my best friend. it read:

1. eat three hotdogs back to back and
2. do something that I wont say to someone who shall remain nameless.

Needless to say I never submitted that sheet.

But I just couldn't beleive that today I was beating myself up on that damn hill about 7km into it.  Now my goals are marathons, triathlons, tough mudder, 100km walks. What an improvement. But again, it's all credit to the people around me. Who make it FUN to get out of bed at 5:25am and run around like a headless chook.

And now that the heart rate has slowed down and I wiped away my sweat moustache it has CLICKED. One of my holistic approaches to this challenge has been transcendental meditation. And it's working!! Long story short, it teaches you to be happy without material things in your life. I try twice a day to be still for 20 mins and meditate. I'm so content with life and I think this has had a huge infulence on this. Don't worry though, I'm sure this hippy faze will wear off shortly and I'll be back to direct depositing my salary into Westfield and being about as material as Spotlight.

Happy Thursday Friends!

Oh and a quick stats summary. For those of you who are interested. My plumbing is officially on strike.

 

Day 31- Twinning with J Hawkins

Something a little bit shocking happened this morning. Come on the journey with me for 5 minutes (if you have better things to do like Shaun Micallef YouTube videos though I totes understand if you can't).

You know when your imagination paints a VERY clear picture of how something is going to be, look, feel, taste and then reality kicks you up the ass, with a heavy steal boot. Well, yes, I got a little love tap on the bot bot from reality this morning. It felt kind of like the period in time when I rocked around with Farrah Fawcett hair thinking my sh!t didn't stink, only to look back on pictures and think WTF... no seriously WTF was I thinking?!?! Your sh!t stunk and you looked like a hot mess.

So we are mid way through the craziness of the challenge and an email from up above (bootcamp head office, not jesus) suggested we take mid-way photos. Remember at the start of the challenge when my face was shock horror at the before pics. Well ladies and gentleman this cocky little number hit smug town WAY TO EARLY.

In my head there was an image going on of my mid way pics... looked something like this below, also these are the bathers I have spotted for this summer, back off they are mine. All women know that when you buy the bathers you will indeed look like the model who advertised the bathers. You can't blame me for thinking this though, it's common knowledge amongst us lady folk. With the 8 week challenge also came the promise of longer hair and the olive tan. Right? Half way through challenge roughly translates to top pic below. Right?

Don't worry I know what you are thinking, I thought it too. If you look closely you will be able to tell the difference. Jen Hawkins is the one on the beach. I'm pulling a selfie in the mirror with my iphone. Twins right?

WRONG! So freakin wrong.

And like the vain 20-something white girl that I am, I would like to add that this midway shot was AFTER my 5 gallon of fluid for breakfast. So yes, a little bit of progress but not what I had originally hoped for and a fair cry from the image in my head or JH rockin my bikini.

Reflection time maybe? And no not mirror reflection. Time to manage expectations perhaps? That 6 pack I ordered? OK so maybe it's not an express post delivery. Perhaps it's an out of stock item that I'm on a waiting list for and may take longer than the 8 weeks. But hell, I'm feeling great, still bossin' a positive attitude and seeing results in other areas. And let's face it. If my pics at the end of the 8 week challenge don't look like  J Hawkins pics, there is nothing a good 8 hour session on Photoshop wont fix. I've been practising already, just in case. Check out the spray tan, pedicure and abs. What do you think? Can't even tell right! 

More than happy to help out with other challengers pics if you get stuck just email them to me goddessofphotoshop@gmail.com

Cough Cough Day 26, 27, 28, 29 & 30.... OOPS!

Well Well Well... I think it's fair to say I dropped the bundle. Not just on the blogging front, but many things the past five days have become 2nd priority to pushups and watching Shaun Michallef YouTube videos. I'm currently living on a diet of eggs, defrosted 4 year old meat, weight watchers bacon and protein shakes as I haven't made it to the shops. I have no idea what's happening on the 8 week challenge plan and I'm 99% sure that my aforementioned diet is going to get old very quickly. Life is busy, if I find time to scratch my ass on a sunny Sunday afternoon without a laptop in my other hand, I'm punching air.

So to fill in the avid followers of the last 5 days. The noteworthy items include a cheat meal, half way point of the challenge and the addition of the dirty rotten combo.

Next on the agenda, throwing up the cheat meal. Hmmmm, just wait just wait. It was either due to car sickness, gastro, swine flu or perhaps ever so slight inebriation, can't quite work it out (that's my story...whatever). Such a fine example of my new found ways of not overendulging, well done I say old chap, well done! 

Just quietly, I totally get where the bulimia thing comes from, even though I was looking like a hungover coke whore Saturday morning, it was a skinny coke whore. All the enjoyment, without the calories. While I'm not condoning it, I get it. Must run that strategy by the bootcamp trainers...

Dear Sarge,

If I happen to vom up my cheat meal, can I go for seconds? 

Emma

Fair question, and don't judge... You've been there you filthy hipocrite. Probably just not stupid enough to publish it in a blog.

Shout out to my uni lecturer who gets to read this though! Bet none of your other students are so frank. Will shout outs get bonus marks? But really, all jokes aside. Pretty poor behaviour   and good to know the new rig is a two can Sam. Looks like my money saving plan has just kicked in too!

OK, serious now serious. We're over half way now!!!! 54% done, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! A few hurdles coming up though. In the next 4 weeks of challenge I need to move out of one house and into another, head interstate twice and run in a little event call the 42km Melbourne Marathon. JESUS! If I thought I was busy now then this storm is about to turn into a tornado!!

Ok so stats for the last 5 days. Let's just say I ate one of every animal, a dozen eggs, 13 tubs of yogurt and 25kg of protein powder. I've religiously stuck to the plan and have full intentions of kicking ass right way through the next 4 weeks. Bring it on!

Day Twenty5 - B!tch Please... That Is NOT cheesecake.

Allow me to make someting perfectly clear.

• Tofu is TOFU, not meat.
• Carob is CAROB, not chocolate.
• Decaf is DECAF, not coffee.
• Dry humping is... well, you get the gist.....
• PROTEIN CHEESECAKE IS NOT CHEESECAKE.

By any means, in fact it should be illegal to even have the word cheesecake in something that is indeed not that. WTF?! Look, if I'm being honest, it was probably more the journey my imaginative tastebuds took me on rather than the actual faux cheesecake itself. Boy what a disappointment though. I also know its faux cheesecake after tasting it as I wouldn't be concerned if I got home and it was missing from the fridge. Whereas with real cheesecake that plate would be on lock down and the fool who dared touch it would definitly loose a digit or two.

At Day 25 we are now sitting on 44% of the way there. Holy hell. When did this happen? More so, this weekend will mark 1 month since we sacked the veggie man and started winking back at the butcher. Top effort, time to pat myself on the back again.. Woop woop.

Day 24 Stats

Sessions: Bootcamp

Plumbing Status: relief at last!!!!! Far out, you sure learn to appreciate the simple things in life on this challenge hey?!?!

Menu 

Breakfast:

Rise and shine breaky shake

 

Morning Tea:

Protein shake

 

Lunch:

Salmon Sashimi

 

Afternoon tea:

Yogurt

 

Dinner:

Kanga Bangas... out of sugar free tomato sauce. I wont lie, I went to use the normal stuff. It would have technically been a cheat if I had. Luckily due to all the fad diets our household has been rocking over the last few months there was none in the house anyway. Brilliant.

 

Dessert:

As you can see above, I had PRETEND slushie shyte that some genius called cheesecake. Think I'm safer with yogurt and protein to be honest.

 

 

Day Twenty4- En route to Crazy Town

Someone was handing out a bag of crazy pills this week and majority of the 8 week challengers were so hungry we all took a bite. Don't get me wrong, we all do it, goes with the territory of being obsessive.

We've hit the stage now, well, I believe anyway, that we will try anything, for that extra cm, kg loss and if we don't get it we are not satisfied. Even when we do get it we still think hmph... could've been more!!! Why are we never happy with our results? I know personally, I have to kick myself occasional when I become dishearted or feel suprised that I didn't loose the hoped for 10kg overnight. So as result of a scale napping I too have decided to stop with the scale obsession.

It got a little crazy, to the point doing a wee was a 'punching air moment'.... surely that's 100grams??? And number two's? Crickey, that's gotta be a dress size for sure! So side by side (no I am NOT a Collingwood supporter) with my mate who was robbed of her scales I will get off mine too. I'm not too phased by the measuring tape, probably just the lazy side coming out and with all that measuring that's gotta be, what, at least 1 minute away from a reflective object checking my guns are still there. Here's a great article by inspirational fitness guru Craig Harper on Scale Soldiers.

I had previously written something completely different in this blog, changed my mind though, as us women enjoy doing. But one key part that I want to keep but due to my fried brain can't segway properly. So I'll just come out with it. It's a mention of a friend who celebrated a milestone. 10 years in remission on Saturday. What. A. Legend. You know who you are. Keep motivating and inspiring people, keep getting stronger,  keep kicking ass!!!! Rockstar.

Day 23 Stats

Sessions: Morning Run and Ashy Session

Plumbing Status: this is heading to serious town. Been a very windy day though if you can pick up what I'm putting down!

Menu 

Breakfast:

Rise and shine breaky shake

 

Morning Tea:

Protein shake

 

Lunch:

Salmon Quiches.... YUK!!! Someone told me these were fantastic. WRONG, they were little balls of sh!t. I made 12 and have eaten 4 and wont touch the other 8 even if it means starving. The reason they weren't as delicious as the people who told me they were so good though..... DIFFERENT QUICHE RECIPE!!!!

 

Afternoon tea:

Yogurt

 

Dinner:

Steak with veggies, sweet baby jesus, it was soooo good. I ate the veggies raw though as I couldn't wait for them to go in the steamer. Bloody amazing folks.

 

Dessert:

Yogurt and protein powder